, , , , , , ,

waterdropI shocked myself the other day.

You know those times when your human consciousness vacates the body for a moment to let your soul consciousness do its work and when your human consciousness comes back your surprised at whats going on?

Yup, that’s what it felt like.

I was pretty sure that I was going to continue doing the Meditation for Insecurity indefinitely. I mean, it obliterated my anxiety and panic attacks. It helped me grow strong in my core. It would totally relax me incredibly after. It was pretty happy with it and thinking “this is just what I need!”.

One night last week I had to do my meditation still that day and so I asked my friends to leave so I could do it and go to bed. Somehow I woke up the next morning and realized I had completely forgot!

That’s abnormal for me. I have “sticky notes” I use mentally to remember things, and that was on a sticky note. I never forget a sticky note. They whisper to me at night before bed. Sometimes I get up to complete the task and other times I don’t. But forgotten sticky notes always make themselves known.

This time there was no sticky note whispering to me.

Because of its abnormality I have stopped meditating completely in the Kundalini Yoga way.

Instead I began to sit in the energy of where I am right now. I wanted to feel what was up and what was going on. It’s been a while since I’ve simply sat in my own energy without the movement of change I tend to keep around me.

As I sat with this, I began to realize that all of these meditations and work have given me a gift. The biggest gift the Meditation for Insecurity gave me was the realization that there is nothing wrong with me or my life.

For who knows how long now I’ve been operating with the assumption or belief that there is something wrong with either both or just one of those ideas. As I let this realization creep through my mind and body I could feel it changing and altering every aspect of my life.

Our lives are built around our perceptions, our mental states, beliefs, and projections. If you change one core belief everything changes. And this is a core belief.

One of the reasons why I feel like I can relax so much now is because the idea that I have to fix something wrong with me or my life has been released.

It is so powerful of a release I have noticed that my mind will try to make something wrong up even though there is nothing wrong. I have witnessed my mind stretching for something wrong, grasping at things that do not matter to make them wrong.

I have found in myself a resistance to be happy. I’m not allowed to be too happy and so the mind tries to ensure that I’m not.

In truth, there is nothing wrong. There is nothing keeping me from my happiness but myself. There never has been anything else.

It is such a beautiful space to be in.

Every time I find myself calling up the negative in my life I simply come back to that one steady thought and knowing: There is nothing wrong with me or my life. There is nothing to fix. There is nothing bad.

Everything simply is.

I can trust it. I can trust myself. I am slowly seeing the unravelling of the anxiety I have experienced for years. It is an amazing internal process I am witnessing right now, and that is all I desire right now: witness the process and experience life as it is.

Finally I am able to relax into the flow of my life.

What a relief.