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angry childHOLY CROW!

These have been really intense for me! I am twenty days into doing a daily practice with both of these meditations, and have been following the videos by Catalyst Yogi.

Here’s the link to Releasing Childhood Anger.
Here’s the link to Getting Rid of Insecurity. 

Let’s talk about Releasing Childhood Anger first.

I decided to do this one because of my intuition. As I mentioned in a previous post, I had made the connection between my relationship to the masculine and the flow of money. I don’t know about you, but I’ve had some challenges in my personal relationship to my dad. In my logic, beginning to work through what is held in the childhood would be a good start.

My dad is the first experience of male energy I had on this planet in this life and my mom is the first experience of female energy. All the patterns I’ve held in relationships I’ve attracted into my life have, usually, some root in the childhood connections I made with those energies.

The first week I was lucky if I could get through this meditation for eleven minutes without having a break down of some sort. I had to become okay with the fact that I would spontaneously cry when speaking with anyone (in a new city so it was mostly strangers). I was crying every day, as I had feared, but it wasn’t that bad.

I was also in a pretty dark depression (see previous post). I’m not sure how much of that depression was from the emotions processing and from life circumstance versus the effects of this meditation. I know there were several days I was weeping, saying, “I’m pretty sure this is happening because of my meditation practice.”

I’m now twenty something days in, and I feel lighter, like something has shifted. It’s a good day I can make it to 11 minutes. Sometimes my emotions get the better of me. Most days I have a leaky nose and leaky eyes, heat moving through my body, energy shifting, and I find myself mentally talking to the images I see of people I know (mom and dad included), finding forgiveness. Sometimes I am talking to myself, too!

One of the main things I saw in this meditation was the power dynamic of a child growing up. I saw on the left a parent, in the center a box labelled power, and on the right a child. The power sits between the two, and as the child grows up the parent gives increments of power to the child. The child who receives a healthy amount of power as they grow up create a healthy sense of self. The child who’s parent doesn’t relinquish the power in a healthy way has a tendency to grab for power, revolts, and rebels, etc.

The insecurity meditation amazes me almost every day. I cannot believe such a calming mediation exists! In the meditation I don’t necessarily feel calm when I start, but usually by 11 minutes I’m lost in the meditation with no worry about anything else. I feel connected to myself and like everything is going to be okay.

As someone who struggles with anxiety who has not experienced even three quarters of the normal anxiety in the situation I am in right now the past month this mediation is a godsend. I originally did it because I recognized in relationships with partners I had patterns that stemmed from insecurity (even though I tried to hide it!).

I wasn’t expecting it to take away my anxiety too! It makes sense though when I think about it.

I definitely recommend these meditations! I’m continuing to 40 days and beyond. We will see how long they feel good to do. 🙂

What is your current practice?