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I have a confession.

I stopped doing yoga for four days.

My daily practice went right out the window.

I know it’s probably not a big deal to most people. But I haven’t taken that long off yoga in a loooooong time! And I’m supposed to be a Kundalini Yoga Teacher. How am I supposed to teach it if I’m not practising it? (It was well noted in our class teachers who practise daily were much better than the teachers who don’t.)

And you know, I am kind of lost right now.

After doing forty days of So Purkh it just felt done. So I thought, “What now?”

I felt a bit disappointed with the results of So Purkh because I did it with the intention to meet my soul mate, my life partner, whatever you want to call it. I did the prosperity meditations for 120 days with the intention to create financial prosperity in my life. And while I’ve had outstanding and beautiful results from the meditations in other ways, the results I intend and desire are not manifesting in direct physical ways.

I feel like they are doing really good things to my inner world and making shifts for sure. I feel like they are having a long-term effect on my life yet I cannot draw a direct line from the meditation to life events. And it may very well be the meditation that created the space or acceptance of certain things.

As I followed this line of feeling and thinking I began to feel that it would be wise to release all expectations or desired results from my yoga practise. This led to me flipping through my yoga books uninspired. I thought a lot about what it is I want to work on and bring into my life. I researched kriyas on the internet. I meditated silently for short bits of time. I painted a lot. I edited the book I’m writing.

And I couldn’t decide on any of the kriyas or meditations. Trust me, there are a lot of good ones. But without knowing what I’m aiming for with my daily practise I feel like a row-boat lost at sea without oars. I’m not sure what to focus my energy on, so I ended up calling a friend and asking her to choose from three meditations chosen at random something for me to do.

The next day I ended up going to the Sunshine Coast to do a full moon meditation night with one of the fellow graduates from Yoga West. And it was a beautiful meditation called Antar Naad (<– YouTube Video). Then on my way back I ran into a fellow Yogini who is doing a women’s group forty day meditation for self-love, which sounded like a pretty good idea.

On my car ride up to the full moon meditation my yogini friends gave me two pieces of advice I took home with me: 

“Ask the Universe which meditation to do, and I’m sure you’ll get a clear sign.”

Now I have three possibilities. 😀

“Meditation is not what you do in the morning, that’s practice. Mediation is the daily result of that practice.” – Yogi Bhajan

There is something about that quote created the following thoughts: It doesn’t really matter what meditation I do in the morning or for my daily practice. It is what occurs in my day-to-day life that is the true test of the meditation, which is why its important to find a meditation that feels in alignment and do it until I feel complete with it. That’s going to change as I change and life changes. As much as I would like to commit to 1000 days I have yet to find a meditation that I feel I will do that long (I thought So Purkh might be it, but it felt done!).

We also talked about trusting the Universe to provide what I need in the moment, and that includes providing the meditation that I need most to do in my daily practice and with my kriyas. There is nothing wrong doing my favourite kriya over and over again. There is nothing wrong doing what I love and what feeds me. There is nothing wrong doing a daily practice with no ultimate goal other than doing something that is good for me. 

And so, I release the goal, the attachments, and the expectations.

And open to the experience of this practice, whatever that may be.

Thoughts? Ideas? Recommendations?